I Feel Bad About My Neck

>> Sunday, March 15, 2015

I don't feel bad about my neck, but that is the title. Specifically, it's I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman. Still going through one of those phases where I'm reluctant to start reading Plagues and Peoples again since I'm worried I'm going to drag my feet reading it. So I read this, which I knew I would finish very quickly. And I did. I think this took me about 3 hours of reading time. Perhaps a little more but not much.

I put this on my reading list back when Nora Ephron passed away back in 2012 along with a few of her other books. I actually picked up a copy for less than a dollar at the Weber County Library book sale this past August. I feel like continually looking at the books in my book list paid off because I was able to spot it as something on my list because those books on sale are in unorganized messes. They weren't grouped in any kind of subcategory. It was just one section of nonfiction. When I was looking for books to get on the cheap, they were going to have to be something on my list, not something that looked merely interesting, which is why I can't understand people who were buying shopping cart loads of books. Why? Why would you need to have that many? Can't you just check them out of the library?

Anyhow, now that I've finished reading it, I've already put it on Amazon to sell. Hopefully it will. But I will say that it's sad that Nora Ephron will no longer be around to write. She just spits things out on paper making it sound like she's talking to you--observations that you or your friends may have mentioned--and then she elaborates on them so well.
Because here's what happens with a purse. You start small. You start pledging yourself to neatness. You start vowing that This Time It Will Be Different. You start with the things you absolutely need--your wallet and a few cosmetics that you have actually put into a brand-new shiny cosmetics bag, the kind used by your friends who are competent enough to manage more than one purse at a time. But within seconds, your purse has accumulated the debris of a lifetime. The cosmetics have somehow fallen out of the shiny cosmetics bag (okay, you forgot to zip it up), the coins have fallen from the wallet (okay, you forgot to fasten the coin department), the credit cards are somewhere in the abyss (okay, you forgot to put your Visa card back into your wallet after you bought the sunblock that is now oozing into the lining because you forgot to put the top back onto it after you applied it to your hands while driving seventy miles an hour down the highway). What's more, a huge amount of space in your purse is being taken up by a technological marvel that holds your address book and calendar--or would, but the batteries in it have died. And there's half a bottle of water, along with several snacks you saved from an airplane trip just in case you ever found yourself starving and unaccountably craving a piece of cheese that tastes like plastic. Perhaps you can fit your sneakers into your purse. Yes, by God, you can! Before you know it, your purse weighs twenty pounds and you are in grave danger of getting bursitis and needing an operation just from carrying it around. Everything you own is in your purse. You could flee the Cossacks with your purse. But when you open it up, you can't find a thing in it--your purse is just a big dark hole full of stuff that you spend hours fishing around for. A flashlight would help, but if you were to put one into your purse, you'd never find it.
Or, as my friend Katrina said more than 15 years ago about purses (while carrying a small purse): You never downgrade. You always upgrade to something bigger.

Although, I have graduated to a larger purse, aka a bag, I am able to keep mine rather neat. I only have a large purse/bag because I can fit a book and a water bottle in it. I can't imagine having one bigger than what I have now. Really, I can't and prefer to keep it that way.


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